a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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