The police scanner is talking about you again....
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
