I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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