mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
