TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
