i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize