i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
