Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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