I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
