a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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