Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
