She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Randomize
