Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
