the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
