U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
