where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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