Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize