yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The best revenge is premature balding
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
