I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
