I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
