you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
