im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he shaved USA in his pubs
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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