I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
