We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Randomize
