Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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