Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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