She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
