So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
