So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize