if you like me you must not know who I am
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
