I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
