You're completely useless in the revolution.
My friends, they love my intelligence
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
