that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
