I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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