The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Randomize
