Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
