tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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