You don't have asthma, your pregnant
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
