The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
accomplished twins. life is a go
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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