Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
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