I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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