morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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