Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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