I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
