If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
