I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
