Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
