Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
honey bunches of taint.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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