Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
