I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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