Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
