I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
