Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
