You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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