I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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