You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
