Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just blew my weed a kiss
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
