I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
