he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I love you. Go after that dick
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
