Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
