Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I will be naked everywhere
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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