I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
