Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
