his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
