all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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