So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize